Grrr...

Here I sit at work. Its one of those days. One of those days where nothing seems to sit right, like I want to jump out of my skin. I don't feel like reading the news online as I usually do. Working on my Christmas gifts (I'm crocheting a scarf for my mom) doesn't help- I can't focus. Reading a magazine drives me crazy as everything seems inane and silly. So here I sit, trying typing therapy, if there is such a thing, to get the thoughts out and maybe steady myself.

Perhaps its because I'm off my meds. I am on medication for depression and let me tell you, it really helps. I'm off because I ran out between paychecks- oops! Its low-grade depression so there is no major worry, but still. There is a marked difference in my personality and how I interact with other people. I'm definitely perkier and able to think more clearly.

Or perhaps its the ADD rearing its jittery head. I've had that since I was a kid and have learned to deal with it. No big deal, just have a few extra projects on hand and give myself a mental slapping when I get distracted by something.

Kind of sounds like a mess, doesn't it? Really though, I'm not. I'm a relatively normal individual with overtones of definite "weirdidity" (yes, I know its not a word..). I keep to myself for the most part, some out of self-conciousness and some out of habit. Been told I have a gorgeous smile and a wonderful sense of humor. But really, didn't that describe Ted Bundy? I guess what differentiates me is that I've never had an urge to lure pretty women in and kill them. A good thing indeed.

What really makes me aware of these issues is the fact that I am currently in the dating pool. Actually, with the luck I've had, its more like a dating muck hole instead of pool. However, there have been bright spots. One particularly intresting candidate is a 35 year old self-employed gentleman. The first time we met in person was a little stilted, but the second time was much, much better. Though both times we simly watched movies, there was a definite difference between the first time and second time... can't figure out why. He appreciates my sense of humor which is a saving grace. There are a few commonalities and happens to be a fantastic kisser (always a plus in my book). The down side is, of course as always, scheduling. Between him working during the day, his daughter, and me working second, time is limited. We shall see what happens- I'm hopeful.

Another one is a 30 year old guy in the midst of a divorce. Our senses of humor match almost exactly- a scary thought considering I'm soo off-center... Attractive and intelligent, but I'm slightly leery of his intentions. I'm looking for the real thing, not a bedroom buddy. However, we have not yet met in person and have only been chatting online for a week or so. Downside here is- location. He is 40 minutes away- thats pushing it. He is listed for now as a maybe...

Of course, being a single lady, one does get urges to... play, and urges need to be satisfied. So there is an FWB who shall remains nameless to protect the not so innocent. Extremely intelligent and witty, this guy definitely keeps me on my toes, even when they aren't curled. Married with two eminently adorable kids, he and his wife have the fortune of having an open relationship. Very secure within that relationship, they play alone, acknowledging that monogamy isn't quite right for them. Intresting, isn't it?

Thank you for listening to my therapy, this has actually helped. I feel better. :)