Flotsam and jetsam

There are always a million thoughts going through my head at any given time, none of any real consequence. Some silly, some contemplative, and way too many negative. Its maddening, really. Sometimes I just want to wring out my brain and be mentally silent. To scrub it clean like the putrid bottom of a fish tank. To try and follow each one would be an exercise in futility, a race against madness. In attempts to tame these overzealous mental machinations, I sit and concentrate on picking one out from the tangled mess. I pick at it like a crusted scab, pulling it away from unwilling flesh. Its followed along twisted, drifting, deviating pathways, meandering through the atramentous sludge.

“…did she look at me funny? I forgot to pay the cell phone bill, I can’t afford to pay the cell phone bill… really have to look up a bankruptcy lawyer. 4 hours til I have to get ready for work. WHY am I still single?? Is it permanent, am I going to be a spinster… wooo, gotta clean that cat box… and the living room… and the laundry… and that mess on the table. Hey, judge judy is on. Mmmm, want some chips, only have teddy grahams, damn, have to go shopping again. Don’t have the money. Maybe I should look in the phone book for the lawyer, what if I end up with one that rips me off? La ded daaaaa, I’m so bored.. maybe I should go to the gym, I’m wasting money on the membership every month anyway, heaven knows I need the exercise… look at the lumps on my thighs- HELLOO tapioca! Really want chips… damn, that won’t help, they would go great with tapioca though… He said I worry too much, do I? Ok, relax, think calm thoughts… blue sky, warm breeze, large green field… ahhhhh… OK, still want those chips. I got salsa, but no chips, would saltines be ok with salsa? Salsa shark… ohh thats a good movie… Maybe we could watch that next time he comes over. No, I only get him an hour or two at a time. Should I be bitter, maybe I should look elsewhere, he’s so good to me though, a sweetheart, well you know the situation, hi kitty, woo, gotta brush you you are shedding again. Rats, I forgot to water the plants, I really need more pots, can’t afford them, maybe I should ask mom about a lawyer. I have to hang that bird feeder too, don’t have any screws though. Damn, craving tapioca…”

and on and on….