Complacency causes stagnation. It causes us to resist change, to view it with a wary and cynical eye. Or maybe that’s just me. I also have a big mouth with poor impulse control and a quick temper. With this delightful trio of issues, I cause myself a lot of headache and heartache. At least the lack of impulse control I can blame on the ADD. The other two come as a result of my screwy biological makeup. Fighting biology is never easy- its who we are, even if its not acceptable to the rest of the populace. I’ve known for a long time that unless I do fight my nature, my life will be a brackish hellhole of mediocrity and loneliness.
They say, “be yourself”. When I do that, I find myself alone at home on the couch, eating Cheetos and watching t.v. When I fight it, I find myself out in the world, experiencing things, as a 20-something should, having a good time. Holding back is not in my nature. Some call me blunt, rude, or just plain neurotic. When I censor myself, they find me delightful. I’m left with a quandry- let it all out and feel better but be lonely, or hold it in, feel listless, and be a social phenom. Not wanting to make a decision, I’ve just continued to blunder through my days, at turns flying off the handle, threatening fragile relationships and kicking myself for it afterwards.
Who knows, maybe I am certifiable- certifiably stubborn and set in who I am.
Chest of Drawers
4 years ago
1 comment:
You are so articulate. It's kind of intimidating.
I strongly identify with what you've said here. I spent the majority of my adult life married and truly forgot, for a time, what it's like to be single and "on the hunt'. However, these last few years since the divorce have been largely spent doing just that.
My current, happy relationship brought an end to my hunt ... and I refuse to speculate on whether or not I will ever return to hunting. That would be bad luck! I wonder though, are men as conscious of the process as we are? Or is it more instinctive for them? I know they hunt every bit as hard as we do. Harder, in fact. But maybe it's more of a primal urge for them than for us. "Need woman. Now.
Must send 100 emails each day on AFF until I get woman." Does it allow them to be happier with the process? Who knows....
I hope you find what you're looking for Kimberly and I hope you have a lot fun along the way. :)
Sincerely, Cyntha
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