I noticed tonight

the frost on the grass as I walked to my apartment. It glittered dimly there in the frigid, silent evening. As I walked, it twinkled and winked briskly. Even upon stopping and standing still, the life in the frost seemed to continue as if it was a city of lights with a beat of it own. Thousands of reflections, moving, pulsing, creating a show on the dark ground.

I looked to the heavens with a set of twinklers of its own. They were fewer, dimmer somehow. Some of their beauty was damped out by the harsh orange glow of the wretched city lights. They shone on, smug in the knowledge that they, as well as the reflections in the grass, would exist long past myself.

It was comforting somehow...

Why is it...

that every year, I forget about the difficulties of snow? My official stance is "I love snow". I find it breathtaking; a snowfall, romantic. The world changes color from dull, disheartenting brown and grey to stark white. Then, it falls, sending me into paroxysms of joy and laughter. I step out into the crisp clean air to enjoy this little gift from the clouds and BAM!, I'm on my ass. *sigh*.

Though I suppose, it would be romantic having someone spoonfeed me if I were in traction...

By the way...

Edmund has moved on and taken Squiggy with him. Neither one left a forwarding address so that is one less on my Christmas card list I guess. I did drown a cousin the other day though. This one wouldn't stay up on the ceiling where he belonged and kept trying to drop in on me in the shower.

I try not to...

worry about what people think about me. But I can't help but be bothered by the thought that I am judged and dismissed on a daily basis by several people. Those that shouldn't underestimate me as I'm more than they think I am. Yes, my prevailing thought is "either take me as I am or piss off", but still, that niggling anxiety is just one more thing that adds to that non-stop racetrack of brain fodder. As if there isn't enough to worry about. I know that I'm not a typical social creature (I tend to suck at social gatherings) and that I'm "weird". But still, I long to fit in, be welcomed and accepted by more than a few that find my eccentricities "charming". Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the friends that I have. But dammit, I'm tired of sitting home alone at night.